Saturday night. On Saturday night, I might have pantsed a guy. Twice. I might have also drank 8 beers and did a horrible, terrible shot that was supposed to taste like cheesecake, but actually tasted like vomit. I might have screamed, �I�m not PETTY, I�m PRETTY!� I might have gotten all of my drinks for free. I might have danced. A lot. I definitely embarrassed my boyfriend, who was working hard playing in the band.

At some point I went to my car to get a bag of dried apples* because I thought that dried apples would soak up the alcohol in my stomache and make me less drunk. I was wrong. I was the girl on the dance floor with freaking organic dried apples, though.

I did not, however, throw up. I find this amazing.

So, yeah, my weekend was fun and out of character. The guy I pants was an acquaintance and he was wearing short shorts. Elastic-waisted short shorts. When I pantsed him, the entire bar screamed.

Thank GOD he was wearing underwear.

*I always have non-perishable food in my car. Is this weird? Right now I have dried apples, an unopened box of wheat thins, beef jerky, and Cliff Bars. It�s handy when you are stuck in traffic, or wasted.

Sunday, on the other hand, is good for Nothing

Due to Saturday�s shenanigans, I was not up for much besides a pitiful brunch with my friend Mary (who drank too much with me the night before). It was actually great, only pitiful because my head was sad and I ate like, a third of my food, and then I left the box on leftovers at the restaurant. By Sunday night I felt good enough to forget ever swearing off drinking, so C and I split a bottle of wine, grilled steaks, and had a lovely time.

And Monday�fuck you Monday

Man, am I ever in a bad mood today. Except I�m not, really, I just told all of my employees I was so that they would pay attention to me during our meeting. They fear my bad moods. As well they should.

I need to go eat, or walk the dog, or something. I need to not be on the computer right now. So, here are some not-so-fancy and probably not-that-entertaining links:

Some kid is getting published for this: The science behind the Five Second Rule.

We Missed national Talk Like a Pirate day, but that shouldn�t stop you.

Lastly, Look how cute these wild piggies are:

And also, no one has bought me these shoes yet, and I need them people! They will complete my Chicago fantasy!

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