I can't breathe.
Oh man. I watched the local news for the first time in a month, and now I am so depressed that I am mainlining Kettle Chips. When I moved back down South, I was just sure that I was reaping all kinds of benefits from the nice mountain air. But NO. I find out today on the news that Good old Knoxville has air quality most similar to LOS ANGELES. Mountain air my ass! Are they piping in extra pollution? Is Atlanta paying Knoxville to take some of their smog? We have fewer people and more trees than LA. Unfair.
Yesterday I saw a snake in my backyard. Now, I might talk about "mountain air" and junk, but I live in a very normal neighborhood where seeing BIG ASS snakes in your backyard is most definitely not the norm. But I saw it, and now I am nervous about the backyard area. A little while ago I noticed that there was this bird just sitting there, not moving. Snake Fear prevented my from trying to scare it into moving, so instead I spent the last 20 minutes laying on the bed with the dog staring out the window. The bird moved. I don't deserve my job.
No really, I don't deserve it. I am not made for working out of my house. It leaves me with far too many opportunities to sit on my porch. And talk to my dog. And smoke. Not that I do any of those things. For hours.
I want to clarify to the Supreme Beings that take humor in my life: I really love my job and I recognize that I am extremely happy to have it and working in an office would make me cry so please let me keep it. OK? Shew. Also, can we ease up on the tripping? Thanks, man.
Tonight C. will get home and find me in pretty much the same position as he left me. I think he is really starting to wonder where my paychecks are coming from. Luckily I don't really sleep at night, leaving me with lots of time to plow through a days worth of work in no time. Happy day.